Johnny is the pompous, egotistical, macho man of the Indian Community. This self proclaimed “Shiva’s gift to women” has only three things on his mind: How much money he makes, his new black Mercedes SL 500 and his prized secret collection of Johnny Walker Blue Label. Many “Johnnies” are adorned in flashy gold jewelry such as gold rings the size of brass knuckles and gold chains around their grizzly-like hairy chest. A “Johnny” is usually the prize catch to many Indian Women who unfortunately can not see through his cloud of arrogance. With a used car-salesman demeanor, a Johnny can coerce Aunties and Uncles into believing he is equivalent in status to the latest Bollywood actors.
Johnnies have relentlessly tried having conversations with you in hopes that you will be wooed by their shinny silky couture and nasal congesting cologne (that doesn’t seem to mix well with their B.O). Fortunately, you realize that their staged appearance is nothing but a ploy to hide the fact that they have small, malnourished, uncircumcised wee wees.
There are different types of Johnnies that you should be aware of:
The Punjabi Johnny
Stocky guy who sports a goatee and has an Indian “Gangsta” like attitude. This Johnny is fashioned is gold earrings and gold chains that usually dangle the Sikh emblem. He drives an SUV (4-Ruuner or Escalade) blasting rap or Bhangra music with a monstrous subwoofer. This Johnny is a trouble maker who loves to get drunk and instigate fights (usually with Raju). His vocabulary is a mixture of Ghetto-ese and F.O.B-ese and is known to throw out vulgarities in both English and Punjabi. He can usually be found frequenting the latest sleazy night club or Bhangra event.
The Wanna-Be Model Johnny
This narcissistic fool actually believes he is the second coming to the Indian version of Brad Pitt. He is usually clean shaven with enough gel and hairspray in his head to be registered as a legal fire hazard. He drives sporty cars with tinted windows (Acura Integra, Lexus IS 300, Mercedes CLK) and is constantly on his cell phone hoping to find V.I.P. connections to the grand opening of the latest club. He is usually dressed in fashionable clothes and could potentially be labeled as an Indian “Metrosexual”. The arrival of this Johnny is usually set off by a cloud of nauseating cologne that permeates the nasal passages of poor unsuspecting women.
The Chauvinistic Johnny
Many Johnnies are generally chauvinistic; however this Johnny thrives off of poking fun of women. He believes in the old archaic belief that women are only good for having babies, slaving in the kitchen and never questioning his whereabouts when he is supposedly out with the “boys”. He can be found constantly making jokes about his wife, girlfriend or women in general and loves to brag to his friends about how he is “tied-down” by his current relationship. The favorite pastimes for this Johnny are going to strip clubs, having naughty conversations in sex chat-rooms and surfing for unusual internet porn.
