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It is the eve of your wedding celebration as you and your mother make the final preparations for the most important day of your life. As you peruse the reception program, you notice a blurb at the bottom: "Bharata Natyam dance to be performed by Ruhi Chopra" Payal's overweight 12 year old cousin. When you question your mother about this last minute addition to your festivities, your mother smiles and responds, "She is sooo talented beta. She has been practicing for a long time!". Deciding that ONE cultural dance number couldn't hurt, you agree to the performance. At that moment, your phone rings and it's another Nosy Auntie asking that her 13 year old daughter Shilpa be allowed to perform a bollywood dance number to "Chori Chori". Before long, there are five additional dance numbers that have been scheduled personally by the Pervert Uncle (who also happens to be the M.C. of the event). Ladies.... time to put your foot down! DON'T ALLOW YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION TO TURN INTO A LITTLE GIRL'S TALENT SHOW. There are many polite way's of handling this frustrating situation. However, we are Bad Indian Girls and our unconventional advice will put a final stop to a poor display of talent by pre-pubescent 13 year old bollywood wanna-be's.
1) Pre - Schedule the Chippendale Dancers to perform THROUGHOUT the night. They can also double as bartenders and waiters for an additional fee
2) One week prior to the big event, block the phone numbers of every Nosy Auntie who will most certainly call to get their Shilpa's and Ruhi's scheduled for the "Bollywood Variety Hour", also known as your wedding
3) Schedule yourself to perform an exotic dance, complete with tassels and bikini bottoms. That should get the Nosy Auntie to "chill" for a good few years
4) If the kid performer happens to be overweight, lure her into the staff kitchen with a steak and a few plates of Galab Jamin. That should keep her busy enough to miss her bollywood number.
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